with hope

2009-01-01T10:53:00.003+08:00

I've decided to change bloggg cos i really don't feel good blogging about stuffs. And, telling people about my life when you don't even know me inside out. So, i think i want privacy.

If you know me well and i know that you know me well and my life in general without any secrets hidden, i'll let you know the new address.

Have a great year ahead. Cheers.

"I don't want to, but i have to"

2008-12-31T19:01:00.005+08:00

Hi i'm woebegone and sad, clubbing later better kick ass. (although i think it will be packed and smelly tsk)

Anyway sal and i went back to ws to get my O level cert yesterday cos i thought i haven't collected it. but apparently i did, so since i can't find it at home, i've misplaced it! (oh and i'm not sad because of this -.-)

and we saw this huge board besides the office! i was eggggggcited and went like OMG OMG cos it's been so long since i came back and it wasn't up yet when i left.

i think that's the coolest thing that happened to me :D i only told very few people about this in pj cos i don't think many would believe HAHA, given my rowdy and noisy character who is not disciplined and is totally not a model student. i think i changed alot, because i was sick of caring too much(pride, fame, reputation) which i did back in ws. so, in pj, i chose not to care and be oblivious to my surrounding which can be a positive thing, actually!

okay gonna eat then out.

Life's a playground.

2008-12-30T21:32:00.008+08:00

Hi i'm exhausted, and i think i have insomnia. Like i may be really tired but i just can't sleep for nuts sake i've no idea why geez :(

And i've alot of pictures to upload and then post it here but i'm too lazy hahaha. They should be in fb or there soon enough. but i don't think i'll put everything up, especially my clubbing pictures which are a bit ........ wild and obscene. and besides, my sister and my brother are my fb friends and i don't want them to see those pictures! wooooo sneaky.

ahhhh the balcony with clar(who i think is very cute) jerm and yuan and we played some games where we had to confess alot of hmm, stuffs. what's said there remains in there! outing with sal today and it was fun love ya man. watched the Yes Man which was funny but perhaps, okay, overall. went to various places and i'm zonked out to explain. so tada.

okay plans :

wed (tmr) : countdown and club!

thurs : club!

fri : karaoke and out with sis(cutting my hair for NS maybe, sadzzzz)

sat: club!

sun : club! (tentative, or hang out with gd friends FOR THE LAST TIME before NS)

mon : outing with ming and drop by for class gathering at night if there's time

OKAY DONE. and after that, I WILL BE ENLISTED ON TUESDAY, THE NEXT DAY. woo hoo i'm totally excited for NS. can you tell can you tell. NOT.

Attached ..... to a book.

2008-12-27T12:28:00.003+08:00

Patterson's awesome; i want more but i'm gonna be done with his book like damn soon argh not cool. and i'm such a weird shit i refuse to finish up the book yesterday when i actually could, just because i know if i'm done with it, i'll feel pretty lost and upset cos his book's really good. love the twists, such a classic page-turner.

but i think i'll have to move on and finish it up(as much as i don't want to) and continue with others which are waiting patiently awwww. sentimental value. HAHAHA joke.

and i want to dye my hair!!! which i think is dumb cos i'll have to get it like removed by 6th of jan. but fuck that date, i think i'll just do it. and i want to club club club before i get enlisted. get yourself free from 1st of jan till the 5th!

p/s : oh did i tell you? i clubbed the other day and got my ass groped by this guy. omg scream MOLEST.

Oooh Merry Xmas!

2008-12-25T21:06:00.004+08:00

hello i think it's kinda boring to like update about what you did where you went to and then like infest the entry with pictures and whatnot. tsk maybe its not my thing. and its not exactly interesting either to pour out your woes and be a wuss.

geez, i am actually lazy to blog. but i have to add, Patterson's awesome. Cheers.

I don't think i can decide ):

2008-12-23T21:19:00.002+08:00

I'm smiling gleefully, grinning from ear to ear and am feeling all woozy inside.

Aww S & S are the sweetest people on earth i'm dyinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg how how how which one which one?

HI SAL I MISS YOU BUT YOU ARE OVERSEAS ):

2008-12-21T00:04:00.002+08:00

omg i made friends from aussie and hawaii from isketch(LEAH THANKS HAHAHA there are actually chatrooms!) and we've chatted in msn and they're really really nice and like wow okay.

and atiqah ho just called to ask me out for clubbing like now right now when i'm so not prepared for everything and like by then it will be 2am when i reach there so 2 hours is totally not enough to club damnit. NEXT TIME BEEECH

back to reading :D

Nay.

2008-12-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

i really hate it when books(and even television programmes) drag on and on and on about what happened(the middle part and the climax cos they're apparently more interesting, righttt) and make it so drama-mama and emotional till you're imbued with err, overwhelming emotions(RIGHT) but they end off in a very sudden and abrupt manner, making me go HUHHH all the time. like please man, what's wrong with a detailed yet interesting ending? cannot meh? very hard is it? i think i've encountered such instances too many times and it should stop! piang eh, i think it is damn irritating.

i actually just wanted to say that the book which i just finished, SUCKS.

Boats and birds.

2008-12-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hi i'm insanely excited over clubbing plans next week :D and i can't wait to shop and club and have the time of my life before i get enlisted with a revelation which is creepily crawling behind my shadow at a faster speed as seconds pass by ):

okay the chalet was ........

full of booze, nice mixers, winding staircase, comfortable beds, nice decor, cozy, bbq-ed foods, awkwardness, boring, weird people, heavy smokers, second-hand smoke which shortened my life span by 5 years, gambling, drunker stupor, cozy, 'i wanna go home', weird, mixed feelings, hugs, camwhore, nice pictures, cards, magic, cool magicians, bimbo moments, 'OMG HOW DID YOU DO THAT', tricks, hungry, super hungry, drenched, embarrassing moments, thank God a million for jack & jovan who stayed over as well!

it was not really a good experience but heck it, pictures! am too lazy to upload all of them, and besides, some are not with me yet. most of the pictures are only of me and hanisa and the funniest part was the latter told me that her mum wants to set her up with me cos her mum thinks i'm cute and we're close HAHAHA JOKE. okay enough talking

the rest of the pictures here. eh i actually uploaded quite a lot man

the birthday girl!

hanisa!

i think this is nice.

:D

SHE LOOKS WEIRD.

yin & yang.

i like this! do you?

Hahehihu.

this is v random, but it turned out nice (to me) :D

mask.

HUH.

i look .... weird.

i love this! we look ... v happy!

trio.

like this!

this is okay.....

I LOVE THEM.

we took this kinda shot like a couple of times, cos we thought it was nice!

in the cab.

OKAY DONE. like i've said, there's more here. Excited for tmr, sexy time.

Aloha.

2008-12-17T14:28:00.003+08:00

Entry about chalet with pics up next!

In the meantime, HELLO! Lol apparently i received like some Good Progress Award thing which was a big big big shock and surprise. Great, 200 bucks more to shop! :D

And fb is damn slow i think a baby crawls 78932 times faster. I have like close to 700 requests and it's such a pain in the ass to manually accept/ignore them one by one. Wa piang ehzxzxzx

Fast one.

2008-12-14T19:15:00.002+08:00

Stayover at east coast yesterday wasn't awesome. the company was okay, the food was okayyyyyy. but sleeping sucks like crap cos the floor was so hard i almost died sleeping and i think my bones nearly cracked. thank God for home, i literally couldn't wait to crash on my comfortable bed :D

okay chalet tmr i hope it's fun IT BETTER BE.

Continued from the previous post.

2008-12-13T03:53:00.003+08:00

And it's gonna be 4 am and i'm still chatting with the new friend i made and it's been 5 hours and counting and i can't believe how open we are.

omg i told her stuffs i don't even tell to a good friend of 2 years. this is insane.

The world is ....... crazy.

2008-12-13T01:37:00.004+08:00

zomg i was chatting with a friend who said that her friend wants to add me which i was fine with and so her friend did and like it was very random and all. i think she's really funny and nice but the most fascinating fact is that ........

in her exact words - "i'm currently having a sexual relationship with a hot 33 year old male sex escort. nothing emotional though. AHAHAHHA"

OMG right. like i have friends who are wild who sleep around but i still love them cos they're hot and actually nice but this one takes the cake.

AND THE GUY CHARGES HER FOR 200 AN HOUR!!!

DAN WHERE ARE YOU?

2008-12-12T20:55:00.003+08:00

hi it's my third entry of the day and my parents have been bugging me to get off from the internet cos i've been using it from like omg i don't know when.

i've actually lost track of time, dates and days. and i actually love it when life's like this, cos everything's just unplanned and uncertain. when you're just riding along with it with no expectations, cos expectations = hope = possibility of disappoinment or be immersed in a state of denial = life's not cool

and i just talked to Mirabel(i miss her!) and she asked me out for a christmas party tomorrow and i totally did not see that coming. but tough luck, it clashes with my East Coast stayover tmr ))))):

hi daniel if you're reading this I MISS YOU SERIOUSLY where have you been?!! )))): are you like out of singapore or something? and hi greg LET'S CLUB ASAP.

Just like we used to.

2008-12-12T20:15:00.005+08:00

Ditched my sister for shopping today because i wanna have a good rest and laze around and do nothing and live life as it is because i don't really like the hustle-bustle of city life.

Okay, sleepover at East Coast tmr if all goes well, then chalet sleepover on mondayyyyyyy i hope it's fun even though i don't know like 70% of the people there omgzz.

and i've realised that i have actually not worked before my whole life, not even after O levels, i know i'm such a lazy assss.

wait, i actually have this 'job' experience but i'm not calling it a proper job because i left after an hour plus! i was a promoter for some kids stuffs and i think it was tooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing so like after working for an hour or so, i had a break which i happily went and never came back. i left for good! i know it sounds irresponsible but heck man, i think my face matters more than anything else.

and i'm extremely lazy to read i have like novels waiting for me to give them a touch of hope and enlightenment but i think they're better off waiting, till the end of time. zzzz

I love my mum more than anything else.

2008-12-12T17:03:00.003+08:00

My mum is the cutest on earth.

Yesterday, my mum asked me if i wanna follow my parents to East Coast today for fun cos they wanna swim and like chill/slack. Of course, i rejected cos i don't wanna disturb them hee hee hee.

Then i said to my mum.

Me : "Wah, romantic man like that".

Mum : "Of course! Make love ah!" *with her cute expressions and like ready to dance*

HAHAHAHA omg mum you are so hornyyyyyyyy HAHAHAHAHAHAA

2008-12-11T00:56:00.003+08:00

Ina asked me out for clubbing tonight but i politely declined her because i still don't feel well. i think i need to drink like 2 1.5litres bottles of water every single day(which i'm doing) or else i will feel feverish. omg hello, i'm a loser.

i totally don't feel like going to NS. ah...

FUCK THAT.

Pissed.

2008-12-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

hi i think i'm having a fever(!!!) which i think is caused by too much rest and i'm chatting with this irritating shit on msn and it totally make things worse/worst and like facebook is super slow i think it's the laptop omg if it costs a hundred bucks i would have slammed it on my wall and kicked it everywhere after like stepping on it a gazilion times.

and i have 1108 emails and 620 requests on facebook to clear i'm extremely lazy and i shall just let it be.

Take it back.

2008-12-08T00:43:00.005+08:00

hello sometimes i really don't know what my dad is thinking and it really doesn't help that he's totally a one-word man so like grr the friction's not gonna end but somehow i don't really care i'm cool with it.

okay i have sooooooooooooo many pictures to upload and i'm very lazy so i shall just upload those I THINK are nice(might be ugly to you though).

okay i should sleep. and bestie I MISS YOU TOO!!

Tsk.

2008-12-06T12:54:00.004+08:00

omg gym and swimming like very soon. rah but i''m super lazy and sleepy though i slept for like 10 and a half hours wth.

okay some stupid random thing which i saw in a friend's blog. wasted 2 minutes of my life.

Lets101 - Free Dating Site

My sex appeal is 8.2 out of 10.
Ladies beware!!!

Lets101 - free online dating

i know. rolls eyes. but singlehood is the bomb so yes :D (although i have a date next week hur)

Alive, but am not living.

2008-12-06T00:29:00.004+08:00

sometimes i think i don't have a purpose in life. and to have such a realisation, when you're 18, is really undesirable and uncool. like how i'm just living because i have to, because i know this is the only chance i have, because .......

it feels like there's no end, no exit; just stretches of road - trudging, falling, standing up again, falling again, standing up again, and again this whole never-ending cycle repeats itself because ...

it is just the nature of life. it just is.

and it really irks me so bad when i realise i don't know what i want at this juncture in life. like when i'm being asked 'so what do you want to do', i'll be 'hmm, just whatever my grades can get me to'. or previously, i'll be like 'well, psychology! or comm studies!'. no, not anymore.

having no purpose in life makes me feel like there's so many options and alternatives out there to explore, but then again, it makes me feel like i'm doing it for others. like since i don't know what i want, let's just give other influential parties to decide.

i feel so confused and fickle-minded. i have no idea where i'm heading to.

just ride with the waves.

Short term memory.

2008-12-05T23:40:00.003+08:00

Today is actually one of the very few days that i was at home the whole day and it's not fun at all. i think i hate home, and i loathe my dad cos he's such a nehneh, for the lack of a nicer word.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

okay i'm such a lazy shit today i did not even finish my novel wtf and like i did not even home gym cos i was just toooooooooo lazy to lift the dumbbells(spelling?) so yeah. but gym and swimming tomorrow! and a live gig? cos jack wants us to bring our guitars. if i can find the guitar bag, i'll bring it.

and the best part is I CAN'T REMEMBER MY SONGS. if you may/may not know, i've composed like 4 songs which i've played for my friends (if you have not listened to it, you're not my good friend hur) but now i've never played for 789432 years and i don't write them down so i forgot already!

shit then tmr play what! twinkle twinkle little stars?

Link to the previous post.

2008-12-04T04:25:00.001+08:00

okay it's like 4 plus and i think i'm tired enough and so, i can sleep. good morning world.

2008-12-04T01:55:00.002+08:00

i actually didn't really enjoy today's outing, seriously. okay but whatever it's donee. and i'm very hungry now and even though today was totally fatssssss day, i don't care i'm still eating because i love carbs and food.

and i'm still in my towels and i haven't showered since i came back and i'm very lazy! you know, i think i'm quite weird in a way because i always worry every single night that i won't be able to sleep.

i think i have insomnia.

like i'm scared that i can't sleep so i must make sure i tire myself every night in a way. tsk. and like when i woke up the next morning, i always have this feeling like 'eh i actually slept!' like in a very surprising manner.

omgz damn weird. i want to watch twilight and wildchild! and i love maria! :D

2008-12-03T11:02:00.004+08:00

I don't know what to wear later! Rah this is so not cool.

AND I HATE MY HAIR I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH IT. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech

Am meeting maria and gang after nic and gang later i am very sexcited. And i've decided to be nice so instead of shopping for myself, i will shop for presents - birthdays and christmas! And i feel like eating Jap today, wait i dun mind Italian too. :D

And my pimple is a whore. While i was washing my face with my cleanser yesterday, this particular pimple popped and burst! wtf. and it happened like just ONE day before i'm going out. wa piang eh you nehneh it's totally not cool leh like that also no time to heal omg later the pictures will be uglehhhhhhhhh freak

okay and since i'm always late, i dont wish to be late today so i woke up earlier! but heck i am very sleepy and i slept at three so i shall just continue sleeping now HAHA byee

p/s : i just saw luo er's blog for her prom photos(cj) and the prom queen, sonia, is DAMN GORGEOUS. omgzzzz

Random shit.

2008-12-02T15:10:00.004+08:00

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don't know about you. And then tag 5 people.

I've no idea what people don't know about me. So i'll just list stuffs about me, things you may or may not know already.

1) I want to be closer to God.
2) I'm not a himbo just because i say the stupidest things on earth OKAY.
3) I don't really like Singapore. But i'm really thankful for the peace and security here.
4) I'm very very fickle-minded. But i think i've improved.
5) I loves parties/I love to club.
6) OMG I HATE 6TH OF JANUARY. I DON'T WANT TO BE SHUT FROM THE WORLD AND SUFFER.
7) I think alot, mostly unimportant stuffs.
8) I form judgements easily, and i stick by them vehemently. But i think i've improved.
9) I don't know what i want to do in life. I feel lost.
10) My ambitions change as fast as you change your panties/boxers/briefs even though i may seem very firm about it initially.
11) I love taking pictures/camwhores, and i think my friends hate me for this. HAHA.
12) I love to shop.
13) I want a hot bod and a flawless complexion. I bet you've heard this a million times.
14) I hate to be in a relationship, because i don't think i can commit. And, my feelings change pretty fast. I need to improve.
15) To some, i'm perceived to be superficial/fake but i think i'm just honest or rather, brutally honest.
16) If i'm at loggerheads with a person, i don't want to talk to him/her at all. It can take Forever. So, i think i can be quite petty. But i think i've improved.
17) I love bitches/sluts cos i think most of them are hot.
18) I love to read - novels, fashion magazines, blogs, whatever. I just hate it when i have to read to remember.

I shall not tag anyone cos i think this wastes time. Shopping tomorrow!

Glides.

2008-11-29T11:42:00.003+08:00

I've been trying to find a new blogskins but i can't find any for like the last hour! And it's extremely irritating when i still typed 'white plain skins' and all i got was those lovey-dovey, romantic-kind with mushy words OR those damn emo kind wth OR 'this is my life, i rule it' like RIGHTTTTTTTTT.

What's up with all these love, emo notions in a freaking skin you loser shit. I SAID I WANTED 'WHITE PLAIN SKINS' is that like REALLY HARD TO FIGURE OUT tsktsk which part of the plain or white words you don't understand?

Nvm nvm, I'll give you a crash course. FOC!

----

I'm extremely lazy to work out at home like i wonder where's my drive for a hot bod gone to? Fuckfuckfuck not cool not cool not cool. Okay, let's see if my gym session in a conventional gym later is better. If i'm still as lazy as i am at home, then .... omg that is VERY BAD. And a swim after gym later! I hope the sun is not like piercing kind of hot omg no no please i don't want to get tanned

OKAY I SHALL APPLY LIKE A BOTTLE OF SUNBLOCK IF THE SITUATION CALLS FOR IT.

HI.

2008-11-28T19:29:00.003+08:00

Sentosa today, and a very bad one cos jerm's dslr was in low batt and we couldn't do a proper photoshoot. That sucks, more than anything else.

----

There's a crack in everything;
that's how the light gets in.

Flaws. Insecurities. I'm-not-good-enough. That-person-is-so-much-hotter-AND-smarter. Unsatisfaction. Disappointment.

Flaws. Insecurities. Flaws. Flaws. Flaws. Insecurities. Inflawsecurities.

Sounds too familiar?

I'm a walking bundle of them.

A book review, but i feel like a preacher.

2008-11-24T20:48:00.010+08:00

Today was quite fruitful, atiqah ho and i went to look for some jobs which we apparently got, but i'm not sure if i wanna take it up. Pictures will be up soon.

she was wearing this really high heels, whining(okay i don't blame her at all cos she just bought it), was in extreme pain so she had to like change footwear halfway through hahaha. while waiting for her to go home and change yadayada, she lent me this novel to read and it was very very interesting. it was unputdownable, and i finished it cos thank God it wasn't really thick.

the book was really simple, no glamourfied vocabs no cheem-ish words, just simple plain english. but the meaning behind it was indeed very profound. it really dawned upon me how someone can write so beautifully, yet the words are filled with so much wisdom.

actually the main idea of the book was that only God can give us the pure feeling of fulfillment; this satisfaction that we feel only after we have found the true meaning in life, and a deeper meaning in our souls - then, we can truly be happy, fulfilled and satisfied.

that idea was amazing. like we may observe how even the rich may have all the wealth one can ever ask for, and we may see how euphoric and glamorous they may be, but think again - are they really happy and fully satisfied just simply with loads of moolahs?

i don't think so.

herein comes the point where God makes a whole load of difference. He gives us the true feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment, but it is only achieved if we are willing to open up to possibilities that He exist, and believe that He definitely wants the best for us in every single thing that we do.

so if you are an atheist, i'm sure you know this fact that deep inside, you are lacking something; just something you can't quite explain nor understand, but it sure does impact your life, happiness and freedom in more ways than one.

then, what are you waiting for, friend? stop searching high and low for it, for the answer is just right in front of you - you just have to grab it. God has been there, always has been and always will. so as you strive to find your deeper meaning in life, don't hesistate to build a personal relationship with God. you won't regret, never.

also, i like the idea(doesn't mean i agree) where one of the characters hated religion (NOT THAT I HATE RELIGION SHEESH I LOVE MINE TTM FYI). he hates it because he thinks religion endorses conformity. religions entail our actions - we're supposed to do this, not that; act like this, not that; respond in this manner, not that.

but eventually, all this external acts do not matter because it is what within that matters. WAH i love this reasoning i swear. c'mon let's not look far, let's mention examples in singapore context. look at the Venerable whateverhisnameis(I FORGOT) of the Ren Ci Hospital. look at what he did. look at how he totally did not practise what he preached. look at how obviously he will tell people to do this and that(obviously he can, and does it, due to his designation). look at how this holds testimony to the fact that eventually no matter how religious you may sound, act or claim to be, still, it is what within that matters.

but of course, i totally respect what my religion instructs me to do - because i understand the reasoning behind it and it is totally for my own good.

also, the idea of conformity in a religion may not entirely be compelling. i guess if you conform or do something that you're supposed to do(religious acts), because it is advantageous to you and even your society(your religious group), i doubt that is a negative thing afterall. to argue against this, if you conform but you have no idea why you are doing this, or because you know you have to but then you don't really understand the crux of the whole action, then i'll call you a victim of what i label this syndrome as a 'brainless forced conformity'. like c'mon man, figure that out first will you - you'll appreciate what you're doing, more. much much more.

right, whatever it is. just believe in God. and this is just my 2 cents' worth. (:

OMG I LOVE JUNO(acTuaLLy aM gOiNg tO waTch IT oNLY nOW hE hE hE)

2008-11-22T22:51:00.009+08:00

I KNOW. JUNO WAS LIKE LAST YEAR OR SOMETHING(OKAY MAYBE THIS YEAR IDK)

and sadly, when it got screened in theatres, i didn't get hold of it due to unforeseen circumstances. HAH but i really want to catch it cos i heard it's good!

an alternative would be to watch it online but being the very scaredy scaredy cat person i am, i don't dare to watch movies online cos iii scaReDzx geTx cAugHtz!!!!!

so when han(i love you) told me just watch no one will catch me whateverrr i just trust her la HAHAHA i went to the website she told me and there were soooooo many movies(mY fIRst tIMez lEh iiI exCitEd) and i'm really not a movie junkie so like none interest me and then scroll down down down OMG JUNO and i'm like omg click click click juno baybeh

YAY thank God i get to watch Juno before i die! hahaha okay i think it's done uploading i hope it won't disappoint me after like knowing how many awesome reviews it got :D IT BETTER BE GOOD

p/s : while i'm typing nic just called my crib and she sounds exactly like my best friend(whom i missed alot) and i'm like who's this and she goes like i'm your hot and sexy friend hahaha sheesh her trademark righttttttt this is as random as it gets

rant rant rant

2008-11-22T20:02:00.003+08:00

I just came back and it's disgustingly early and i'm a nerd i went to the library to borrow some books but my card has like fines so i can't borrow wtf and then i borrowed my cousin's card and hers need some verification but she's not with me so i cant borrow any so again wtf

and singapore is damn boring i swear i want to elope with the sexiest person alive. and go somewhere hot like whatever paris milan OMG MALDIVES sexy

and i really am not sure if i should go clubbing with the sluts tonight cos i have other plans tooooooo and obviously clubbing = go home next morning = spoil other plans cos i'll sleep the whole day = SIGH )):

i'm going for some job shitz on mon AND I HOPE IT WILL WORK OUT i have like no job experience omg i've never worked before and i want to try and work for the first time! it better work out man

am planning now for meetups with nic and the others on tues AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TO DO. singapore needs to work harder on this aspect, seriously. argh fuck i want to get out of singapore IT'S GETTING BORING HERE

okay i need to work out and like get a damn cleanser that works wonders for my face. i want a flawless skin and a hot bod thankyou

Today's like BrotherDay.

2008-11-19T17:24:00.003+08:00

My younger brother and i live-jammed at home and we played the guitar and sang at the top of our lungs and like we owned the world and i bet it was damn loud and my sis who just came back from barcelona or whatever was pissed but heck i don't care cos like we're having a cold war now and i doubt we'll talk ever again, and again i don't care so yesssssa.

And after that, i played skateboarding with him! (anw, both of my brothers are skateboarders/skaters). I used to be one too last time I KNOW DON'T LAUGH but that was like in primary school and it was mighty hilarious thinking about those times.

But i just felt like spending more time with my younger brother today and yes so we played! I could still get an Ollie but damn, i haven't fully mastered kickflip nor heelflip yet but whatever give me time man.

Man, i feel like skating again.

Aloha.

2008-11-18T16:30:00.005+08:00

Hello these are pictures taken yesterday from jermaine's slr but there's more and once she uploaded them i'll post it up here again :D

i think photography's cool, i wouldn't mind learning it seriously. OKAY OFF TO SAVOUR MY COCKLES SOUP.

nature's call,
the light's on you

sink within;
in those deep crevices

cos the pasture's,
greener on the other side

sunken, hunched;
powerless

the leaves;
they're raw

zzzZZZzzz

2008-11-18T02:37:00.007+08:00

fuck you i just typed a very long entry and it's gone cos of some editing problem shitz like RIGHTTTTTTT.

GOOD JOB BLOGGER I LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME. LET'S GET MARRIED AND PLEASE SAY "I DO". I'LL GET YOU THE PRETTIEST GOWN EVER WITH A 567890756789 CARAT DIAMOND RING AND WE'LL MARRY IN MAURITIUS WITH THE BEAUTIFUL BEACHES AND PEOPLE.

But you've been a bitch and even though you know how much i love bitches and sluts but I'M SORRY you are totally a different kind of bitch and you disgust me.

I WANT A DIVORCE.

Slipped by my fingers.

2008-11-16T00:05:00.006+08:00

OMG AM I REALLY DONE WITH A'S?

Sheesh this is so weird. Okay rightttttttt i should like move on and be happy that i'm still alive from the torture.

It's about time i go out there on my own.

------

OKAY i've been asked umpteen times how did A's go yadayadayada and generally i really don't think i'd do that well but i'll just leave it to Him. I think some papers were really hard and wait, maybe cos you think i tend to exaggerate, you would not believe me entirely.

So i shall rip some content from cheryl's blog, and since she's from rj, it's more credible huh huh huh.

hello cambridge,

if i could fly down to london england or whereever your snorty asses are now i would. and believe me, i think i would plant a bomb and send you anthrax of some sort. why must you decide to raise the standards so high this year? can't you old wrinkly old bastards go spend your time having a life instead?

right, so the a levels have been tough. where did the easy papers our seniors had, gone to? swear to god the papers this year are one helluva shithole, save chem, which thankgod was very doable. its funny how everyone says 'its the a levels, won't be so hard one la'.

BULLSHIT.

i think i should throw my tys out of the window for the nxt few papers. cos certainly, doing tys won't help cos the questions are way too hard now. today i did math with W at starbucks and he was telling me how the smartest pple in his jc were crying after the bio paper. i'm thinking now, PLS LET THE BELL CURVE BE SOME SORT OF MIRACLE.

better be,. or we're pretty much screwed aren't we?

Okay, you got the picture now.

I need to hit the gymmmmmmmmmmmmmandswimthengymmmmmmmmmmm

2008-11-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

i refuse to sleep though i feel tired cos i don't know why either and i'm actually v bored. and now i think it's pretty absurd how i can like go online for like close to 12 hours straight previously cos i really don't know what i should do nowwwwww

OKAY AND I REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT A LEVELS AND THE PROCESS THAT I WENT THROUGH BECAUSE RECOLLECTING SUCH MEMORIES WOULD NOT GET ME A BETTER GRADE WOULD IT?

That being said, it's definitely all up to Him to decide and i'll just pray hard for His blessings upon my grades.

-------

AND NOW I HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO SPARE I WANT TO FULLY EXPLOIT MY 24 HOURS. tsktsk RIGHTTTTT

am re-watching Mia Michael's routines like a million times and i'm moved to tears like a million and three times. She's superb beyond description and she inspires me to pursue contemp but i'm freaking enlisted on the fucking 6th and so i cant take any dance lessons what an ass.

Okay i don't know what to do tmrrrrr like should i go to east coast/sentosa, townnnnnn, tea partyyyyyyy, I DON'T KNOW and i have to decide like vvv soon.

Omg it's gonna be four i should sleep and like sleep peacefullyyyyyyyyyy, please.

2008-11-15T01:13:00.003+08:00

HELLO A'S IS OVERRRRRRRRRR.

okay i shall forget how surreal i felt just now, when the invigilator said, "stop shading anymore. the time is up".

i swear i felt like ''that's it? i'm done? and no more mugging for like 2 years?".

OMG THIS IS VERY SURREAL. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DONE WITH THIS.

AND LIKE I CAN FINALLY SAY 'SHEESH A LEVEL WAS SOOOOOOO YESTERDAY'.

omgz i miss readingg sexy novels )))))))):

2008-11-06T13:19:00.003+08:00

hello i'm in the midst of exams!

sheesh i cant wait for it to end and like so that i can go gym and swim and get a hot bod and then do whatever till i want but it's only till the 6th cos I'M ENLISTED ALREADY.

bummer till cannot be more bummer,

and i think i need to stop being anal about grades. okay i shall not overfocus on grades. learn to let go, study hard and just do it!

pray for me :D

2008-10-29T08:46:00.003+08:00

hello hi yo sup man

i think A levels have started to take a toll on me, it's pretty scary how i've been dreaming of A levels these consecutive days in my sleep, nehneh i've never dreamt of exams my whole life okay zzz shivers

omgz and i need to work out soon my body = flabs fat pig

oh ytd was kinda fun albeit unproductive. went to town in hope of mastering UN and it's irritating counterparts with A and H but rah, i think we should never go out ever again before As hahaha. though everyone is still a bit restrained(cos of As i bet), it was still krazily funny. and on the way back, i drooled on the bus shucks mighty mighty embarrassing

retard, stupid, himbo, you decide :

me : i know about ICJ! they settle like legal disputes and give advisory opinions on legal questions referred to it. takes non-violent measures and all. super UN man. but no link to UN right?

A : (arch eyebrows)

me : WHAT! omg oh yeah shit, they're under UN!!!

(which is actually v obvious fyi)

and I THINK H IS A LESBIAN hahaha but she's vvvv cute i swear. i read somewhere that homos 'have a passion for life' wootz

OKAY I NEED TO READ ECONZ NOW AND GO FOR CONSULTATION LATER geez sexciting.

2008-10-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

OMG I'M DAMN HIGH NOW woooooooooots COS OF ... STUFFS. hahaha anti-climax.

anyway why the fuck am i not panicky when As start next week?

fuck you ibro, you deserve to be shot and killed and let your flesh be devoured by those pigs and dogs and disgusting animals.

Flying to nowhere.

2008-10-27T12:53:00.005+08:00

it appalls me how my history is still floating on air. i'm just gonna start china for now, and there's tons left. i don't know what to do with it anymore. i'll be v happy if i got a C. a B would be a miracle and an A is totally out of point. ))): i'll just resign to fate how pathetic.

it's moments like this when i hope i have better brains - those that can retain informations faster and longer. coupled with an excellent discipline to just stay put and focus. RAH I CAN BE DISCIPLINED, i believe i can; well, everyone can man. it's all in your mind, if you're really determined, everything works.

this 'inferiority complex' never seem to fade away, especially so when people like cher get really, really wonderful opportunities from top universities cos of their excellent SAT results. boohoo for meeeeeeeeeeee.

but whatever, maybe i have something they don't HAHAHA like er, ........

okay good go far far far far far far away you smartasses, leave the spaces in local universities for academically-challenged kids like me. thank you very much.

But we still got to grow up.

2008-10-25T12:11:00.003+08:00

Okay i shall take a break.

anyway i think studying makes you fat, literally. like how it still puzzles me how i ate 5 heavy meals unconsciously yesterday, something i've never done in a gazillion years.

oh man, i need to hit the gymmmmmmmmmmmm and indulge in my favourite doses of sexy tennis and swimming soon like on the 14th, when i'm FINALLY done with As and all hell break loose.

and after such nice workouts(which i absolutely love), i shall curl up in bed with a good book. oh such heavenly moments. or go club with my fave sluts or with greg yada yada yada, just like how we planned.

and dye my hair again(yes, it's the fourth time already) with sal like we already set a date to do it, or just frolicking around town aimlessly cos one big hurdle is done and over with. i hope there's no regrets.

but with As down, NS comes(i'm enlisted on the 6th of jan fyi). and then, uni(hopefully into what i want insyaAllah amin) and, finally, i'll face the world, alone.

woo times really flies. and it sounds pretty intimidating to be consumed into a world full of trials and tribulations then. i don't want to grow up, ever.

my first paper is on the 3rd. time really flies, but it'll all be over just before we know it. Hang On, Friends.

2008-10-24T22:12:00.008+08:00

i want to do another post before i start on my arduous journey to the Economics World or the World of History(if i have time).

i think i have such wonderful friends and teachers. okay this is random but i really mean it.

like how my consultation with Mdm Yaty the other day for gp totally boosted my confidence, and how her immense faith in me really spurred me to do well and work really hard.

and other teachers worth mentioning like Miss Wong and Miss Tan who have helped us all the way.

and vvvv wonderful friends. like sal who is a such a sweet and lovely best friend. :D part of her entry which was dedicated to me totally makes my day, and i feel really good now thanks a zillion love! i love you!

and jerm, your message on MSN caught me off-guard and i didn't expect that. hahaha but that was really sweet! i appreciate you for who you are and i love you too!

and ming, the talk we had on the school rooftop(literally) just now was nice, although time ticks as we talk, but at least we know that life in pj was awesome cos we have each other; this friendship never ends. more talks on the rooftop man and hopefully the next time round, the sky will be glittered with stars.(today's pathetic NO STARS AT ALL)

okay i need to digest market structure now i HATE market structure but at least it's not as bad as history, oh well.

2008-10-24T21:35:00.005+08:00

these few weeks have not been good, they were not hell-ish enough as what they're supposed to be. like it's so weird how i want eyebags and hell days of hardcore revision instead of other things. i get rather pissed when others are hardcore-ing and my rate is not really hardcore-ish RAH

yes get me right. i want MORE EYEBAGS AND HELL DAYS PLEASE. it scares me how apathetic and indifferent i can be, how relatively calm and relaxed i am right now. oh god please make me panic like crazy and make me study till i turn crazy these last weeks and get me to where i want to be. but please make me calm and composed during exams. Amin.

i don't know how i'll do, everything is just uncertain and clear. but i'll just leave everything to You, cos You know what's best for me; i trust You.

With this, i graduate.

2008-10-13T12:06:00.007+08:00

let's soar,
like the balloons, we fly;
high and beyond

with hands intertwined,
and locked;
never once letting go

blocks appear one after another,
boulders come and destroy

but we'll overcome them,
and emerge victorious

as one

2 years will end soon, but it felt like 2 seconds. Good things don't last, but life moves on.

2008-10-10T22:05:00.006+08:00

We had farewell assembly for the J2s today. Nostalgia swept me off my feet. I'll definitely miss Pioneer Junior College.

Never have i felt attached to a school before, particularly because the schools i attended before pj, Suck. With a capital S.

I've learnt so much more here, i've made very good friends, i've grown as a person. Those wonderful memories in pj will never leave me.

They're here to stay, till i bid goodbye to the world.

no more blogging I HOPE.

2008-10-08T23:06:00.004+08:00

i get insanely jealous when i see people from top colleges get good grades for prelims. It's really absurd cos prelims are much tougher AND WHY THE HELL DO THEY STILL GET As.

i get insanely jealous when others got their As and i don't.

i get insanely angry with myself.

And so.

i'm gonna kick their butts out from the playing field. and since they're smart and they still mug like there's no tmr, i shall mug twice as hard since i'm not as smart.

IT'S MY TURN TO SHINE.

i should throw the laptops away.

2008-10-08T22:37:00.003+08:00

flurry of thoughts chasing each other, running alongside with breakneck speed, trying to compete and outwin - just doing their thing.

i shudder and recoil in horror when i realise how soon As are coming. and i feel so small and worthless when the truth strikes me, assailing me off-guard at a time when i'm unprepared and raw.

like god save me. looking at how everyone gears up intensely, looking at how everyone gets so serious and focused now, i feel like i'm not doing enough. i feel like what i'm doing is far from enough. anyway WHAT IS 'ENOUGH'?

that, definitely is subjective. but i think the word is extremely scary and haunting ):

i don't know. i'm too scared of failing. i just hope what i'm doing now is right. i shouldn't hope, i should strive to achieve it. i must work hard, harder than whatever i've been doing.

God, bless me. Save me.

2008-10-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

now im feeling all stressed and angry for not being able to achieve what i planned to do in a day. im afraid not meeting up to expectations and yet i tell myself to just put in the best that i can. i need to work as hard as i did, okay HARDER than i did for prelims, which hasn't really been the case for the past few days.

i have abt twenty plus more days. god bless me

2008-10-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

Hello we watched House Bunny today! It's funny and bimbotic and i watched with a bimbo so it's all good :D

'your eyes are the nipples of your face'. Hahaha joke!

I still love the word, 'Absurd'.

2008-10-06T21:52:00.007+08:00

OMG shoot me. This is absurd.

It's absurd how i said in my previous post, 'off to do work' but i'm still online from just now talking about things not related to A levels AT ALL.

Like checking out movie timings online cos i'm gonna watch one with hanisa, the bimbo tmr. And talking to her about absurd stuffs like.. just absurd things you wouldn't want to know cos it's too absurd.

And talking about clubbing details which i'm going with greg and his friends this saturday and worrying about 'how do i go back' cos we live absurdly far from each other.

This is really absurd cos hello world, As is absurdly approaching in less than a month's time.

2008-10-06T19:36:00.002+08:00

HELLO i vomited twice before coming to school today. The vomit was pure sexy and titillating. Still, i came to school cos i wanted to clarify doubts for Math but stupidly, i slept during the tutorial so i couldn't ask much! Wa piang eh.

Okay off to do work study hard!

2008-10-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

unless im thinking otherwise, but at times like these i really don't handle my words well. knowing exactly what to say to make the other person feel better, is a tough job. i wish i just knew how to reach right into their hearts, wave a magic wand and make all those horrid problems go away. i don't seem to be able to pick the right wrds though. and it is at these moments when i choose to remain quiet, remaining just as a someone to whom they can pour out their troubles to. most of the time its because i can't relate, because being in my place now i have no right to make comments such as 'i know how you feel' seeing how that would be a blatant lie. its completely different the way i see things, i wish i were more mature in many ways. when i come across too direct the words really sting. if i were to voice my deepest inner truest opinions out, it would startle many. i don't want to always have to whisper my thoughts through a one-way radio. perhaps one day i'd be brave enough to tell them how i really feel and let everyone know i'm not as strong as i wish i could be, that i might smile but inside im breaking.

I shall do more math today!

2008-10-04T15:15:00.002+08:00

Hello world i just woke up, so much for wanting to wake up in the morning to mug hurhurhur.

ANYWAY my phone bill has exploded to the other end of the spectrum and i don't want to make it worse so i'm not going to reply to any text messages okay. JUST CALL ME TO REACH ME.

Okay i need to mug LIKE NOW cos it's already 3(!!) and i'm still going out for house-visiting(hari raya) tomorrow. (p/s: if you didn't know, hari raya is a one-month long festival.)

mug NOW sian ahhhhhhhh

2008-10-04T03:48:00.007+08:00

as the night turns to day,
awake with unfolded blankets
i shudder

and wonder why the leaves move
ever so swiftly,

when this time,
it was a gentle breeze

I have a favourite word for this season. It's called 'Absurd'.

2008-10-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

I've decided not to go out tonight because As LIKE A FEW WEEKS AWAY AND I SHOULD PRIORITIZE.

I CAN GO CLUBBING EVERY SINGLE NIGHT AFTER As ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYY

And i should study right? YES, LIKE NOW.

Gosh when i see how frantic and panicky everyone is at this point of time, i freak out. Okay mug ibro mug ibro mug ibro

Stef went like, 'You should like throw your computer out of the window, seriously'.

AGREED.

One step forward.

2008-10-01T00:02:00.003+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

----

Today is extremely not productive, i'm extremely disappointed with myself. I CANNOT study at home, distractions are aplenty and invincible. I NEED TO GET OUT.

And i think i'm losing my momentum, i hope i'll regain it soon or risk slashing my wrists.

Okay i'm gonna club this friday till i die or chill till i grow sick of slacking. After having a kickass time, then i'll mug like mad, amin.

Place yet to be confirmed but we'll be heading tentatively to Fashion Bar.

One more month to As omgz screamzzzzzzzz

A quick one.

2008-09-30T12:02:00.001+08:00

Hello i think my attendance record this year is pretty tarnished cos of stupid reasons like ''omg today's like boring and school's worse", "sigh what a heavy rain, so must sleep in", "oh damn i'm late okay back to sleep", "home's more productive hurhurhur".

And i think i need to STOP being late for like other things besides school, i really don't remember when i was early or on time. And being late is not 5-15 minutes kind tsktsk.

Okay i've been watching jdma episodes online like crazy i should stop wasting my time.

off to do some work kbye

2 cents' worth.

2008-09-29T18:21:00.003+08:00

I blatantly know how we're all caught up in a mirage which really is nothing like what's out there in the real world.

Sometimes i compare myself with others outside our social realm and feel very much smaller. Sometimes i find myself thinking that, maybe all that we're worrying about is stupid and insignificant.

There are larger problems out there to be addressed, and we're here getting all anxious and worried about trivial matters. I know how selfish we all are because we don't see beyond ourselves.

Basically everything is done for our own advantage, to cater to our own needs first and foremost.

I guess that's how we armour ourselves to survive.

Awesome.

2008-09-28T11:14:00.003+08:00

I was just writing in my previous entry a few hours ago about how clueless i am about my future prospects. Like i definitely don't want to work my way towards the a's thinking that the core reasons driving my effort are dumb ones.

And i was praying, hoping that He'll help me figure out this soon cos i need an aim, a motivation, just something to keep me going.

Lo and behold, I tell you, He's amazing.

Soon after, i was chatting with an old good friend whom i've not talked to for ages. And suddenly, he was asking me about my career options(of all things).

Of course, like 67859432321 of my replies, i'll say, "I DON'T KNOW."

Then, he started giving me advices and options based on my interests. I voiced out my grouses and bugbears but eventually, those worries slowly diminish.

I can bravely admit now that it's all pretty much sorted out. I know what i want!

Thank you, Allah.

A plea.

2008-09-28T09:32:00.003+08:00

I think i've learnt so much more in pj than in anywhere else, things are not as plain as they are, not as simple as they appear to be.

But i'm lovin' it.

---

I really hope i'll figure out what i want to do in life LIKE VERY SOON cos i don't want to work my ass off for something i'm not quite sure of.

God, i need Your help.

2008-09-27T02:35:00.003+08:00

But then again, maybe it's better this way.
Looking at how C puts in so much effort for her IS is crazy. I think KI kills too much of her brain cells.

But then again, maybe it's better this way.
If i'd go to other schools, maybe having overachieving peers would just plunge me into depression.

But then again, maybe it's not better this way.
I don't know what i want.

But then again, maybe it's not better this way.
I think i can't do this, i think i cannot, i think i can't do this, i think i cannot.

I think i'll really kill myself if i don't feel prepared for As. I really think i will.

THERE'S SO MUCH THINGS TO DO ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREW YOU ^%&*()(*&^%$^&*((*&^%$%^&*(*&^%^&*(*&^%^&*( omg i hate this ttm.

2008-09-27T02:33:00.001+08:00

Rah i hate myself for being such an ass sometimes.

Why can't i just be smarter? And like get better grades? And like have lesser expectations of myself?

And just die?

Now.

2008-09-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

))))))))))):

I'm vvv incoherent.

2008-09-24T03:10:00.003+08:00

Hello world you're probably snoring away, snuggling your smelly pillows tightly with some Superhero pjs.

Tsktsk i just ended an awesome MSN conversation with an old friend and i'm still as high.

Like hello, so much for sleeping early cos i'm still not well, talk only ah. I swear i need to eradicate this stupid mindset of talk-only-no-actions like vvvv soon.

Sigh, how i wish i've a good book right nowwwww, i can't sleep and it's like freaking 3 am. I still have school tmr lehhhhhhh. How?

Okay i really hope mad mugging session starts with effect from tmr till the big As. Oh God, give me the determination and perseverance and moreeeeeeeeee useful brain cells please.

I need them, desperately.

Unlock the door.

2008-09-23T21:18:00.004+08:00

I'm still running a temperature. And i think it got worse as compared to yesterday boohoo. Swim-then-gym plan had to be cancelled bleargh so not cool.

I'm feeling melancholic. And, relatively indifferent. Prelims results are gonna be released tomorrow and i don't expect anything, nor do i want to expect anything.

I think as you grow and mature, you tend to take things in your stride. Like come whatever, you'll just accept reality and move on with life.

It's like everyone's surging forward and you can't help but to go with the flow. Otherwise, you risk falling behind; plunging yourself into an abyss of darkness and uncertainties.

You have two choices. 1) Ride along with it 2) Be engulfed by it's calamitous repercussions

The choice is yours.

-------

Anyway jerm and i caught 'Mamma Mia' yesterday! It's pretty good if you ask me.

The plot's pretty brainless but then again, the music and casts are awesome and that totally made up for the lack of brainpower to create an interesting plot. HAHAHA.

I loveeeeeeeeeee the music like seriously, i'm a number one ABBA fan now. And seriously, straight after i came back yesterday, i went to Youtube to relive the wonderful ABBA experience by watching her music vids incessantly.

Even though it's like super classic and all but who gives a hoot about that? Her music's good stuff man.

Okay and we basically toured on every single shop that sells dresses cos jermaine wants to get one and she was adamant on getting the type that she wants which are apparently not aplenty hahaha but it was fun with our good old times of jokes and stories to share :D

And the best part was she did not get any cos ''they're just not the kind she wants'' hahaha but being a fastidious shopper myself, i understand her plight and willingly trudge the whole of far east(literally) and wisma and tangs!

I didn't shop cos i was grouchy and lazy. And it's one of those times when you have the bucks but you don't know what to buy tsktsk.

Okay i need to like sleep early cos like i'm still sick and i need ample rest. I think today's like the only day i'm at home the whole day for post-prelims hols, i just realised.

And tmr is the start of something very torturous with a lot of suffering and trauma. A's like gonna be here vvvv soon, endure endure endure i can do this i can do this i can do this.

We can.

HI i need to rant.

2008-09-22T23:24:00.005+08:00

I'm running a temperature. ):

Straight after i got back(like, just only), i gulped down a 1.5 litre bottle of plain water cos i think i'm dehydrated. I'm praying and hoping that i'll be fine tmr so that i can go to the gym and swimming after that with the same gang.

-----

Yesterday's worst trauma is over! Man, i hate geylang and words totally cannot justify my immense hatred and enmity for it. HAHA there's no scale to measure the hate-meter whatsoever, it's just beyond what can be measured in the universe.

I'M LITERALLY EUPHORIC THAT I'LL ONLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT TRAUMA ONCE IN A YEAR. Tsk, talking of which, i'm not excited for hari raya at all omgz.

I think only the forgiving part's awesome. Like okay hari raya = more money? That part's cool too. Other than that, it's total crap.

Hari raya = see relatives? NOT COOL. I think it's damn fake and irrelevant to a very large extent. This is what we do for a normal house-visiting session.

1) Arrive house, hi everyone(hur hur hi huh?)
2) Sit down.
3) Eat.
4) Watch tv.
5) MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
6) Continue watching tv.
7) Okay time to go off, collect green packets.
8) BYE.

Wooo, i can totally see that we're all bonding and exchanging stories and updating each other on our life and like totally having a ball of a time. Tell me about it man.

----

Oh before geylang, my sister and i went to do our hair! Her hairstylist did my hair while my sister's hair was being shampooed by another hairstylist.

Her hairstylist has such strong and firm hands till like when she massages my scalp, i felt like escaping to LaLa land. She was v meticulous and took notice of nitty-gritty details and together with her excellent service, it was all worth it.

And anyway, my sister's fiance's sister followed us to geylang and she's extremely funny and comical i swear she's a joker. And her son's vvv cute wah confirm guarantee plus chop when he grows up, he'll be damn good-looking.

Okay i've just realised that i went out on every single post-prelim hols and i did not touch a single A level-related thing i swear. Good game, man. Good game.

Between the trees.

2008-09-20T23:57:00.003+08:00

If you're my good friend, you're prolly aware that i really, really want a hot bod cos i think it's the sexiest thing on earth h e e h e e.

And you'll also be sick and tired of how i always proclaim that i have a hot bod when we all know i don't hahahahaha.

Okay give me time, i'll achieve my aim i promise.

With that, i sincerely hope i'll be a gym junkie after As. Gosh this sounds extremely exciting. OMG JUST THE THOUGHT OF LIKE WASHBOARD ABS AND LIKE A BIG CHEST AND LIKE NICE, BIG BICEPS ON MYYYYYYYYYYYY BODY IS INVIGORATING I SWEAR okay sorry this sounds gross but can you feel my excitement! HAHA.

But i do not ever want to be like those guys who are extremely big because c'mon, that is disgusting dude. Just toned, muscular but proportional please.

Hahahaha okay enough i shall divert to another topic!

----

Today's a good day! A fulfilling gym session with leah and jack and it was awesomezz cos like i think i did quite a lot and learnt alot of new stuffs.

After that, gx came and we went swimming! Leah left earlier cos she had a family dinner which started at like FOUR pm. Omgz who the hell eats dinner at 4 manzz her grandparents the best hahaha.

Swimming was fantabulous cos we had the pool to ourselves! Then i went to break fast and we had a nice talking session afterwhich!

Okay an account of a person's day is extremely not interesting you're probably drooling now TSKTSK

Any-o-way, tmr is extremely not exciting because i'm going to geylang to get stuffs for hari raya. I HATE THAT PLACE TO THE MAX, WORST PLACE EVER I SWEAR.

Bleargh but before that, my sister's gonna do her hair at the normal salon cos she has her own personal hairstylist. And she agreed to sponsor me for a haircut there (:

Okay i think i should get some sleep laterssssss.

You can be a miracle, yourself.

2008-09-20T03:39:00.002+08:00

As you may or may not know, prelims are over! I don't know if i should rejoice and feel eggcited over it, because the truth is, i don't.

I know i've not put in my best, and i do feel a tinge of regret.

I had a long conversation with a good friend, atiqah ho xy, before chem paper 1, and i recalled this phrase which she said, ''I hate regrets. I'd rather give my all and know that i've done my best. Even if things don't work out, i'm satisfied."

Aww how i wish i have that power within me to mutter those words. And, i obviously don't, at the moment.

I really really really hope i'll give my everything for As because doing well means a whole world to me.

I don't mind if it takes away my freedom, time, soul, anything. I don't mind if it robs me of my fantasies, desires, anything. I don't mind if i have to sacrifice this, that, you-name-me-anything.

I just want As(i don't mind Bs too!) because that's all that matter now. And, i never, ever want to live in regret because i don't think i can ever stomach that risk.

Oh God, help me )))):

----

So after the last paper, i went to Sentosa with jerm sal and yuan! It's like a ghost town at night, but it's pretty serene and tranquil. We all concurred that it was a vv fun outing :D (and sal is the awesome photographer for the pictures)

in a place where
everything is transient
and ever-changing

a veil unleashes its torrent

because we can't afford to seek refuge anymore
nothing's safe and secure,

not even the old cupboard; your hiding place when you were young

or the blankets; because the darkness evades you

like an innocent child with plaids,
grow a seed which blossoms

and let it grow
without the murky waters

let it shine
with an exterior so strong

impervious and hard;
your saviour

Love you guys!

---

I'm excited for tomorrow(more to later) cos i'll be going to the gym followed by a swimming session! And, i'm still fasting yo so that makes it a challenge but i'll persevere and endure and i swear i won't break my fast earlier than the stipulated time.

My elder bro is a joke. He was asking me to help him with his poetry essay for his lit assignment. It was something about mortality and he wanted me to make it more analytical.

I didn't really dare to help much because 1) it's University level 2) i've never taken lit ever, except when i was in sec 1 and 2 and it was compulsory 3) i only understood one poem(which i thought was v interesting) 4) i don't want to sound stupid 5) i'm not good full stop.

I can't wait for mondayyyyy, movie and shopping with lovely jerm one of the bestest friends on earth, love you babe! :D

I need an aim, desperately.

2008-09-19T23:33:00.011+08:00

I had an inspirational conversation with jack earlier on. And, it really made me feel that if you have the spirit and determination, anything is possible. Focus is the man.

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
i also realise that only being a successful man will get what he wants

it's time to says:
it's nt too late

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
hopefully

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
even if its too late

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
im gonna do this anw

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
no point feeling disappointed for nt getting wat I want rite

it's time to says:
omg i feel motivated

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
i cant get becoz im nt a winner

it's time to says:
i hate the word regret

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
SO I'M GONNA BE A WINNER THIS TIME

it's time to says:
all the way!!

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
I WILL BE THE ONE WHO DECIDES THE WINNER

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
IM NO LONGER THE PERSON WHO WILL BE DECIDED BY OTHERS

it's time to says:
eh are you like a part-time motivational speaker or something?

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
FOR THIS TO HPPN

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
A LVL HERE I COME!

This part is the ultimate.(anyway i think i responded very incongruously above)

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
i want to be a winner this time

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
a winner for my parents

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
a winner for my teachers

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
a winner for my siblings

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
and a winner for my friends

Another part.

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
if sch reopen

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
u see me lyk v stress or wat

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
nv tell me to relax k

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
juz ignore

jackPECKalltheway@hotmail.com says:
pity is not allowed for my 4A star plan

I don't know how you'd respond to it but i swear i felt inspired. That kind of determination to accomplish something is v enriching and compelling.

Keep it up bro, you'll go far with this attitude.

Serious awakening.

2008-09-15T12:01:00.002+08:00

I think, to think that you have time is a crime.

Just to have that thought is brutal in itself.

It's fatal.

What an experience!

2008-09-15T11:19:00.006+08:00

i don't feel accomplished. the voice within says i can do so much better, i know i can. it's just that .... the voice's failing me.

-----

Tennis on saturday with leah jack and law the bombz. And i bought my shorts before that and it was the fastest shopping ever; go inside, try, buy. Cos i was late and the whole session had to be delayed by an hour. ):

OH anyway i think i can't study at home and saturday was like tennis-go home-sleep-never study.

In an attempt to salvage the situation, i joined minshan and xinhui to study at woodlands civic library yesterday!

And, i was traumatised.

I DIDN'T KNOW STUDYING WAS SO COOL. AND LIKE, IT'S THE HOTTEST TREND AROUND.

As early as 9 plus, a large group of people were guarding the entrance in order to secure good seats for themselves. And, some were even sitting on the floor while waiting for the door to be opened. omgz

And as soon as the automatic door opened, EVERYONE WAS LIKE GUSHING IN AS THOUGH THERE WERE LIKE 6789542 OUNCES OF GOLD ON THE OTHER SIDE.

THEY LITERALLY RAN TO GET THEIR SEATS OKAY OMGZ.

They can't be any more kiasu than that, can they?

Minshan said she've seen worst cases before, like a v long queue which lasted BEYOND woodlands civic centre's entrance. Like, till out of the entire building itself. HAHAHA FUNNY MUGGERS.

With that, i conclude. Singaporeans study way too much, and so much more than what is appropriate for them.

Have a break, have a kit kat.

:DDDDDDDDDDD

2008-09-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

HELLO I AM SO INDIFFERENT ABOUT PRELIMS )))):

I'm having math paper tmr yo at like EIGHT AM but i'm nowhere done with revision. I'll just pray and live in denial that i'll remember all the stuffs i've studied in school and previous revisions and they'll not leave my puny little brain. :DDDDD

Bpp with ming after econs and chem paper today was funny ttm cos i told her '"eh let's act like we're in an Amazing Race or something" and then we literally ran around NTUC like really really run to get my stuffs omg hilarious.

Then head home and watched teevee and talked to leah and she's extremely funny HAHAHAHA i mean like extremely funny like really really funny. Yay, i have tight abs(RELATIVE) now without doing much ha ha ha.

And our conversation just ended and it's gonna be midnight and i haven't finished math revision and there's like Janice Dickenson Modelling Agency now and i don't care i want to watch so BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Anyway i dreamt that i was Xiaxue's friend HAHAAHA omg the dream damn hilarious but my show's gonna be on soon so next time!

Why the hell do i care about cold war, religious fundamentalism, etc? I DON'T.

2008-09-06T01:09:00.011+08:00

Oh shit i'm distracted again rahhhhhhhhhhhh i'm so sorry )))))))):

Am talking to ali now, an old mate who is freaking hilarious he cracks me up hahahaah.

Okay i'm just having a random thought:

Why do i refuse to be attached?

1) I'm extremely lazy to be committed.
2) I'm extremely lazy to send her home like omg go home yourself please.
3 ) I refuse to pamper her - i rather pamper myself.
4) I refuse to buy gifts and shop for her - omg seriously, i rather shop for myself. look at my shopping list!
5) Her menses period - disaster.

OMG I'M NOT MCP-ISH OR AN UN-GENTLEMAN OKAY. That in itself, is not a convincing statement but i shall back that up with some of my internationally-recognised theories and school of thoughts soon.

Hahahaha okay okay history now now now

go go go

2008-09-06T00:06:00.004+08:00

I have an extremely painful backache and i don't know why shit am i going to die or something omgz save meeeeeeeeeeee

I wanted to rant but then again, who cares if you rant like your whole life? Life still has to move on, and you still have to overcome the source of your rant right huh huh huh?

So, i shall shut up and study NOW too much time is wasted today. Too much too much, Operation 'Dig your own grave till you rot and die' has started like omg since yesteryear.

IT MUST STOP NOW and i shall shower some TLC to my wonderful history notes which i've missed too much, it has been too clean, way too clean.

I SHALL NOT BE DISTRACTED I SHALL MEMORISE HISTORY SHITZZZ TILL I DREAM OF SOME HOT HISTORIAN OMG EXCITING GO GO GO GO GO

2008-09-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

As the time passes by, i recoil in horror.

I shudder, i fear.

Hush hush, spin, snap.

2008-09-04T22:48:00.004+08:00

I don't know where i'm heading to.

And, if i'm what i'm doing is right.

I don't know if those words were the truth, because they sounded so easy and simple, it's like as though they don't mean a thing, it's like as though they were insignificant and ... trivial, for the lack of a better word.

It sounds like a sweeping statement, a plain remark that you'd throw at a bag, that ball which stays motionless and still, that fan that spins incessantly - trying to gain speed and momentum along the way.

That insignificant thing. Oh, insignificant.

It's like you're living in another entity, a place which you don't belong - but strangely familiar, and awkwardly you.

You just can't run away.

Scream.

2008-09-02T23:17:00.004+08:00

1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 eyes straight up.

i don't want any mistakes there hear me?

shoulders back, posture straight, don't smile, fierce face.

yes, that look. that something in your eyes. no, not quite. i want more, more, more, yes that. okay no that's too much, relax abit, okay that.

now do your thing and don't walk back.

Peekchassssss

2008-08-31T20:29:00.008+08:00

It's been so long, miss you sluts alottttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. THOSE DAYS WERE THE BOMB I SWEAR. After As after As, then we'll rule the world again.

Wild wild wet! Very few pictures cos we camwhored when it was closing and so we couldn't really take much shots ):

Da Paolo.

DiEEE loRZXXzxzzxzx

2008-08-31T19:51:00.005+08:00

I AM EXTREMELY DISTRACTED I DON'T KNOW WHY.

My brain just refuses to absorb any history shitzzzzzz HOWWWWWWWWWWWW

I'm like 'internet sucks tv sucks ewwwww they're disgusting inventions they should just like be obliterated nowwwwwwwwww' *must psycho myself must psycho myself*

But, eventually i lost this battle in the mind and succumbed to temptations by watching more telly and surfed the net!!!

Anyway, I hate Friendster, a social networking site which i vowed to never, ever sign in ever again.

I thought it was super history, and Facebook is not that interesting either. I refuse to be lured by you suckers who always proclaimed how sexciting they are(more to Facebook, in this age)

HELLO THE FACT IS, THEY DON'T.

But, maybe the pigs just learned the art of flying, and the ants have conquered the world or... maybe, I'm an epitome of Mr Contradictor.

I LOGGED INTO FACEBOOK AND FRIENDSTER AND EVEN UPLOADED PICTURES!!!

How turning 18 felt like.

2008-08-30T11:52:00.011+08:00

So, on the 28th, i turned 18.

When i was still 16, maybe turning 18 would be one of the most exciting events ever, like "omg party party club club it's my day everyone so please rock the night" kinda thing.

But maybe i've grown up too fast, maybe such things no longer excite me anymore, maybe i just .... don't want to be 18 and see the world?

To me, turning 18 is a turning point in my life. Like, that's when you're beginning to see life as a whole?

But, I'm not prepared for that. Not at the very least.

I was rather apathetic on the 28th, indifferent or oblivious, even. At midnight, i'm like 'OMG I'M 18!!' - excited for a few moments then the mood died down.

And then, i forgot i'm 18.

The most ironical part of it all (as compared to what my view of 18 is when i was 16, that is), i wanted something simple.

Maria cherre isabel liwen matt vin ben and d will probably think i've gone berserk or something. But sometimes, the simplest things in life are the ones that make you the happiest, or so i think.

Those simple pleasures, they always leave us with an indelible mark, don't they? At least, it's true happiness.

Thanks to everyone for the flurry of messages and calls, it's really sweet. Although i didn't reply to everyone(cos my bill is the ultimate), please be assured that i really appreciate them. Love you guys!

-----------

On the 28th, i felt like there was something missing, something which i couldn't much explain nor understand. But, let's just leave it at that.

In the noon, i went out with Ming, the bestest friend on earth. We couldn't really do much because of time constraints.

But those few hours were really fun like i can really see her effort to make everything work out and all.

Ming : Thanks a lot bestie! Even though it may be short and all, every minute counts right? And it was lovely. Thanks for making me feel like it's really my day and i deserve to have a kickass time every hour, every minute, every second. The laughters we had are always good for the abs because they're so hard and loud and all the good things combined into one HAHA. Thanks for everything! We had a great time yo, love you ttm!

After which, i had to rush back to change because i was meeting Jerm, Sal and Yuan for dinner.

And goodness, i was late for like close to an hour and a half! Big, big apologies to jerm and yuan who did not complain a single bit! Sweet.

We went Italian at Da Paolo for dinner at Ann Siang Hill. A nice setting with a nice decor. The food was nice and the service was great. (:

Sal : Hey gem! You've always been there, never once gone. Never once stingy with your advices, never once saying no to my requests, never once left me in the lurch. You're one of my v v v true friends and you know how much i love you and your beautiful heart. Thanks for being you all the time, thanks for hearing me out, thanks for listening to my whims and fancies, thanks for standing by me, thanks for everything!! Love you ttm! (:

Jerm : The entry you dedicated to me on your blog was sooooooo sweet, i swear i had goosebumps! Hahaha. Awww, you're an excellent friend too! We've gone through a lot together yes? I guess those quarrels we had were a blessing in disguise. Look at how far we've come together! Yes, i agree we must have more 'mental' moments(you get what i mean heehee). Thanks for everything babe and you know i love you! (:

Yuan : Yo my man! Did you know that i was damn touched by your message? I went like awwwwwwwww for the longest time. Hahaha. I'll remember that for life man. We should hang out more, it's fun having you around. Anyway, i really love your heart, it's really nice and sincere, really. Anyway, how was your party with Oprah(inside joke) HAHA. Meet you really soon yo, take care and love you! (:

Love you guys times 10 to the power of 99.

rahhhhhh

2008-08-29T20:26:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to blog about www and my bd dinner but im v v v v lazy anyway i haven't receive the peekchas so jerm and sal please do the honour thanks a million.

I'M DISTRAUGHT.

Was online from like 2 plus till now and i only read a few pages of Newsweek and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*traumatised*

PRELIMS LIKE NEXT NEXT WEEK omg times flies like how phelps swim okay maybe 7894324 times faster.

ANYWAY I'M DAMN DAMN SCARED FOR LIKE PRELIMS AND A LEVELS AND LIFE KTHXBYE.

Omg i think history will totally pawn me like rahhhhh i hate historyyyyyyyyy but DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

A BIG FAT NO.

I can't focus im distracted by i-don't-know-what this is super wrong timing. This cannot happen. This cannot happen. I don't like what i'm doing. I hate to study.

But for the sake of a better world and like a better life, i'll try.

--------

Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying Omg i love studying

I SHALL CHANT THIS MAGICAL WORDS FROM NOW TILL END OF A'S.

I love my God.

2008-08-29T16:06:00.005+08:00

I think in life, it's best to just let go, and not to expect anything. Not to entirely expect nothing, but definitely to expect something of relatively lower status/standards/level/you get what i mean.

Being paranoid, maybe OCD is not cool. Extremely not cool.

I remembered how i was told that i should just "Chill out; take things easy; you lead a tiring life".

That's gonna be history.

I've realised that i tend to let the unnecessary bother me, those little things like 'Omg my hair is damn ugly today okay my mood is spoilt for the whole of today, rah no confidence ttm" kinda thing.

But slowly, i'm beginning to further realise that hey it's not that important afterall.

Looks - temporary.

A good Heart - forever.

-----------

And to be fraught with high expectations of yourself get really tiring and exhausting. Like "I don't care i must get into that faculty, with this grade and only this no concessions at all!".

This cycle is never-ending and it traps you inside; you become more petty, less sensitive, grouchy - the world only revolves around you and only you.

Your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left - in Adrian Tan's words.

I stumbled upon an article which somehow, made my life much easier. I particularly love the part when he endorsed this notion, "Don't expect anything ..... just live."

It's really good, but it's long tsktsk. If you yearn to be intellectual(everyone is moving up, you should too!), read this!

Don't simply glance through(*cough cough*), it has so much to offer.

By Adrian Tan, taken from mr wang says so

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation.

I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on.

You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless.

There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old.

Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today.

At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth.

Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role.

There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings.

It's far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

Wild wild wet and birthday pictures up in the next entry! (:

2008-08-27T00:05:00.005+08:00

I hate it how i'm still taking things as lightly as ever, like as though As is a distance away.

Who am i kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My discipline level is disgusting; was tired the other day and like slept from 10 till 6 the next morning without getting any shit done at all

HOW CANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK I HATE THISSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want to cry and break down and just kill myself cos i'm so not prepared for As

im not prepared, i'm so not prepared. i rather kill myself then get shitty grades i swear i wan to die now

f f f i hate this pressure like get As and Bs ONLY cb you think easy AH!!!!!!!!!!

i swear i'm more determined last time but who cares about the old days it's about now and my determination is waningggggg

I CANNOT DO THIS I WANNA GIVE UP

I WANNA DIE BYE

Give me what you've got.

2008-08-20T21:53:00.002+08:00

Econs mock today! I guess macro was okay, and micro sucks as always. Okay it's done so move on!

Anyway i didn't know being absent for school in two days got big effect eh i damn lazy type properly okay back to tweet and lazy mode hahahaa

cos hor like when we came, everyone was like 'HEY HI' -big reaction- kinda thing. one of them winner, "are you coming to school anymore?" whoa you beat everyone hands down leh standing ovation sia. hahahaha

only two days leh! OUT OF 365 DAYS that's like 0.00547945% i calculate using calculator one okay! omg okay maybe got pon more days la but still .................

hahahhah one of them was like 'Welcome back to school!' HAHAHAHA omg omg funny people lub you all.

and the best part was :

.

.

.

I GOT DUPED.

i think sadly i'm quite gullible. ate dinner with jack and law then they began like lashing out statements which go along the line of "eh i think all the teachers hate you and ming cos you both pon school"

and they continued on saying and saying; leaving me in a state of trauma and distress. like sound super real, they look damn serious, piang this whole story damn convincing ttm

i really believed this whole thing (anyway the whole conversation is long and i'm lazy to type so just imagine it as something very ...... real but stupid for my side)

i think if you're in my shoes, you'll believe them too hahaha maybe

omg after being distraught omg i'm a loser then law eventually revealed the truth that it's all a lie actually. omg suspense ttm and i went like FK YOU super loudly hahaha

anyway ming is damn retarded. i just put down the phone and this was the conversation we just had;

ming : bestie, can you shout?

ibro : huh cannot lah 941 (941 is a code which means got family members nearby)

ming : shout fake one but real one!

ibro : *scream faintly*

ming : patrick just beat you!

HAHAHAAHAHA she's a winner! and patrick is her red-dog soft toy, anyway.

YOU MUST WATCH AND LISTEN TO THIS VIDEO. v inspirational.

Don't quit till you've got nothing left.

Don't quit, don't quit, don't quit.

Give me your hardest.

Your very best, your very best, your very best.

You can do it.

You can.

Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat hiakhiak

2008-08-20T01:22:00.004+08:00

this post is vely blearrgh and all cos me veryz lazyy to write pwoperlie horr so yeah heehaw hia kia pia

today's the bomb ponned school and met up with three of my favouritest ppl on earth!

studied with ming in the morning till like 5 and in between went for lunch and i treated ming (operation nice is still on, if you don't know what's this about tell you when i tell you k eh don't angry ah basket)

after lunch went to shop and i saw this freaking belt which is omg nice ttm totally my style yo!

and then hor, i saw this pair of shoes DAMN NICE omg can die there seriously and me rocks hor, quickly grab it like some kiasu shit then ask the salesperson for my size then parade around with that shoe. the shoe damn sexaye and unique k i know you'll fall in love with it too once you saw it i hope i'll dream of it tonight

omg kua zhang.

i shall ask my sis to get that for me on my birthday! and i'm gonna be 18 in like a week and a day's time? piang so not exciting

anyway i cannot integrate sia freak pls me vely stupid ah siannnnnnnnn and the freaking wdl lib is damn noisy why some people like that one make so much noise like they own the world! eh baskets that place is a library leh not some market place hor

if you there you might think we're in some place selling chickens and fishes for only one dollar per tonne and everyone rushes for it like some mad cows - yeah that kind of chaos.

while shopping we saw this extremely ugly dress and i told ming to go try and she did omg hahaha. extremely funny cos she looks like she's wearing some curtains and the curtains is like alot of plaid kind then colour damn hot and designs power whoa winner already la

met up with sal and chris after that and sal treated me to gelare thankiewz sal(today is like treat your friend day ah) (: after which we played arcadeeeeeeee! i love that hockey thing we played i remembered playing it with my sister and her bf-then damn sexciting a few years back classic!

and my sister's flying off to zurich tmr sigh why her life so exciting one. i think when she's forty she confirm plus guarantee chop fly to like mre than 567895432432 countries okay sorry kua zhang hahaha

i want be an air steward whoa cool then we siblings fly together yippee yay yay yippee yippee yay

anyway back to today

after arcade and gelare me wanted to go home lors, but then hor me vely sian go home cos home = distractive and me get distracted very easily

so me called my best friend up and met up with her. anyway it's been 67890765437890543q5354322534 seconds since i saw her!

like i think the last time i saw her was when we were babies and our baby cots(is it this i anyhow say one) were like next to each other.

and it was funny cos we were only 2 months old but we went shopping and clubbing already!!!

sexciting right! told cha!

i remembered after shopping on 070648 we got to go back to harvard like the next day to take our honours degree you should have seen the faces of our parents. they were so proud of us!

and c'mon being the geniuses that we already are, all these happened when were only 2 months old!

and after that, we separated cos we got to fulfil our obligations and all. she had a mission to destroy earth i think but somehow mars and venus intervened in this cold war so like china and mao zedong had to stop her but the latter died before he could do so due to SARS and bird flu.

so yeah but i'm great we caught up today!

sigh i didn't dance for 57667678 days i feel incomplete

okay i'm gonna pon school tmr again and like mug for econz i shall be hardworking and mugger shit nerd ttm ttm ttm

IT'S OKAY JUST THREE MORE MONTHS!

Can i?

2008-08-16T17:45:00.004+08:00

This is my fifth entry for the day - but it'll be the first that you see because i can't seem to publish the other four. Lack of courage? That's bull.

I'm stunned. It's the seventh hour i'm online doing nothing but the plain ol' youtube vids and bloghopping. Excuse me sir, prelims less than a month and As so near so near so near.

My mind's in a whirl and i really can't think of anything to write about.

Goodbye.

it was there
with presence, aura

and security

but slowly, it diminishes

away from the sideline
and eventually reduced to

a light speck of dust

---

why oh why?

Read between the lines.

2008-08-14T00:22:00.000+08:00

Starring the beautiful ones

The backlight, strikes, just right,

fright, hold on tight,

be polite

and pose.

DEPRESSING.

TRANSITON ELEMENTS NOWWWWWWWWWWW

2008-08-13T22:33:00.004+08:00

It scares me how everything changes, and can change in a split second - unsconsciously.

Like how everything built from scratch can lose it's raw, beautiful essence in that moment of folly. Then what about proclamations which go along the line of 'Forever and ever'?

This wave of turbulence is plenty, and in my opinion, unwarranted.

I've no idea why i'm writing about this cos i don't think i'm encroached in this situation. But the fragility is conspicuous - it overwhelms me(more to horror, actually).

Like it just needs one action, one word(maybe one string of words), one phrase, one sentence - just a 'little' effort; and things might never be the same anymore.

How delicate!

Maybe it's exaggerated but still..... Nothing's certain in life, and we are sure of that. Unless you're in denial then perhaps, you should get out of your small little world.

-----

Sometimes i should really chill out and not think of small little things which are so trivial and useless - but will undoubtedly affect me in more ways than one.

I've no slightest idea why such banal things get to me, but it's downright preposterous to be affected; sorry, but i just can't help it.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why good friends who really understand me often complain of how taxing and tiring my life is. Then what, see a shrink?

Hello, I'm not insane.

Rahh whatever i shall stop online shopping and go read transition elements sianzzzzz. Online shopping for guys is bleargh. I may be squealing in excitement one moment but next, disappointment sets in because they just happen to not have my sizes. (esp for those which i really like)

The happiness is super short-lived, anti-climax ttm

Round and round and round; then back to square one.

2008-08-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

This web, this deadly cocoon; they're victorious.

They're laughing away, cackling, guffawing... Can you hear them? They're ... deafening.

Now, here they come again. Still, you can't run away - the door's locked and there's no key.

You scream; but the echoes simply drown your soul, eating every bit and pieces of your flesh.

They're condescending; they rob you of your worth, your dignity and your values.

They're vicious, they kill you with a series of events - grip you by the shoulder, strangle you ruthlessly and assail you with a gun at a point when you're most vulnerable. Then...

Poom, you're dead - like the wind, silently gone without a trace nor a sign.

"Wait, there's a sun at the far end!" You exclaimed.

Oh, 'hope' you mean?

Kid, don't be fooled.

Hope - an elusive, evasive, fleeting entity.

Don't even depend on it.

If you do, you'll never survive.

Time still exists.

2008-08-10T19:17:00.004+08:00

I thought the national day celebration in school was great. My class really bonded and it's the first time i really felt patriotic and proud of Singapore, singing along to ndp songs which are actually awesome!

After that, jack stef law kester wei song and i crashed to jovan's house for a karaoke session. I had a blast and it was great, like i'm sure the residents were in for a v v therapeutic treat with our fantabulous vocal chords which was showcased by the clamorous volume of the audio system HAHAHA

Thank God for you guys who make school so much better, thanks a zillion!

Advertorial.

2008-08-06T21:48:00.015+08:00

The Ambrosia Dance Theatre.

You have passion in dance but am shy to pursue it?

You have passion in dance but you think you cannot dance for nuts - partly because everyone says so?

You have passion in dance but you feel insecure of your own capabilities?

You have passion in dance but you feel that there's no platform to showcase your talents?

Don't fret! We're here for you!

The Ambrosia Dance Theatre has recently been founded by 2 best friends who want to explore further and nurture their innate passion in dance.

Our vision and goal is to spread the love of dance as well as to mould dancers who can excel in this beautiful form of art.

We accept dancers from various genres and backgrounds, with or without experiences. The pivotal criteria is your passion and interest; traits of a top dancer.

There will be auditions which will be held in PJC on 15th August 2008 at 3.30pm. The venue is at Lecture Theatre 4. Do note that it is highly important to adhere to the right dressing code.

So, what are you waiting for? Unleash the potential in you and join us!

For any information, do contact :

Ibrohim : 97545249

Ming Min : 96739781

--------------------

I'm so serious about this organisation, i hope we'll make it big. I'll definitely widen my scope for contemp after As :D

There's actually a Contemporary Dance Workshop at the Esplanade today but i can't attend as there was chem mock how disappointing.

Anyway, today was cool because we basically went around the school for a recruitment drive - our friends and classmates were the victims :D

But most of them were so supportive, including Mdm Yaty who even believed me when i said it was sponsored by the Lee Foundation. HAHAHA not to that extent man, but just you wait - one day, one day.

Wait for me.

2008-08-05T03:50:00.008+08:00

IT'S GONNA BE FOUR and i just can't sleep.

And, i should like totally make full use of this opportunity and mug like there's no tomorrow cos everyone's doing so. But, i can't seem to start serious business now.

Argh whatever.

I'm like bloghopping and watching youtube and drinking Campbell's soup - enjoying simple pleasures of life, yet again.

But they're downright banned and forbidden at this 'crunch period'.

Okay whatever to this again.

Anyway thank God i've found this after so long!

Love love love this sooooooo much.

It's incredibly beautiful, they're superbly amazing and it further ignites my passion for contemporary dance.

Oh man, i'll die a v v v v happy person if i'll ever dance a contemporary piece by Mia Michaels.

She's just Phenomenal.

The highs and lows.

2008-08-05T01:15:00.008+08:00

:DDD

I'm happy cos i've just completed writing a history essay yayness the feeling is fantabulous.

It's primarily because it's the first essay i've written(besides essays for exams) and yeah, cos Augustine's lackadaisical attitude totally blew my hist grades away(NO HOMEWORK FOR THE PAST 1 AND A HALF YEAR) and i HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

So, this essay shall be the start of a turning point; a key to awesome grades for history hopefully man (:

And it's kinda late but i'm feeling high and active cos i took a 3-hour long nap in the evening i feel like prancing around but okay nvm.

----------------------

Swimming on friday was great although i didn't exactly swim like 20 laps or whatever. It was more to like thinking of dance steps in the pool for synchronise swimming w leah hahaha.

Zonked out on the way back and it was late cos 171 takes forever to come, slept super unglamly in the bus and i think i saw justin but i totally ignored him cos i have no energy to say hi, sorry!

Went to sentosa with jermaineee on sat! I deliberately delayed the time cos i hate the sun and i'm sure the sun hates me too and i think applying sunblock doesn't really help, it's best to abstain from it right?

Cos i hate my skin colour, i think it's a bit burnt. But it feels good when i'm assured by people around me that it's nice and i should maintain it. Really meh?

Any-o-way, we arrived around evening and the sun's almost gone awesometastic.

It was a really fulfilling time spent. Away from the hustle-bustle and the crazy demands of the world outside, and just simply immerse ourselves with the tranquility and calmness around us.

I think jerm is a v v v good friend who would really listen and at the same time, understands and gives advices. You're much loved! (:

Oh and jerm put on braces!

In the bus, which was surprisingly empty. But there was an influx of really really hot people on that day in the beach! Such great timing! HAHA.

Anyway, there was this really weird and crazy-looking man who was playing golf on the sand! Lunatic, no?

I love this man. Nature shots are always beautiful. God's creations are breathtaking.

Somewhere around Vivo. Anyway i hate Vivo, don't ask me why.

Didn't really take many pictures cos i feel uglayeee on that day. Anyway jerm, I can't wait for baking with the others this friday! I hope there's no last-minute cancellation, though (:

Stef, ming and i. Love this shot yo, taken during CIP at Teen Challenge.

Anyway school today was damn fun cos i sorta influenced my classmates to like do contemp dance and ming, ciqin and i totally did just that during our break.

V v v fun, we really gave it our all; those sweats, perspirations, and out-of-breath moments. Our themes damn classic ttm.

Actually leah and i did just that too on friday during our break. It was funnier cos like first we acted out a scene like she was rapunzel, i was the prince and stef was the witch HAHA.

Then it got boring.

So, we did some modelling shit which was super funny yet embarrassing cos i think Mdm Yaty saw me doing my thing omg throw face ttm. I totally hid under a table oh ma gawdz.

After that, we danced to any random songs that others were playing which was super hardcore cos there was this incident where we were dancing on air then we bumped onto each other and my forehead got scratched while her leg was injured. HAHAHA.

Omg my classmates rock ttm, they keep me going man. (:

But it's like everyone's super geared up now.

Rahh what's new?

How meaningless and simplistic the singaporean jc kid lives his life at eighteen where his main worry in life is whether or not an A appears on his report card ):

Just because it all boils down to a cert in which your entire future is judged upon.

GO STUDY GO STUDY GO STUDY GO STUDY GO STUDY

2008-07-31T21:47:00.013+08:00

I totally sounded determined and spurred on to study in my previous entry.

But as of now(which is like FOUR hours later), i have not touched a single shit at all omg kill and murder me in the most vicious way possible.

PLEASE GIVE ME ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT AND I REALLY NEED 5678954312890982 DISCIPLINE PILLS.

I think discipline is non-existent in my dictionary. I need to work on it, desperately.

Oh shit, ANTM's now wa piang so many distractions shit okay it's all in the mind so just try to eradicate all those thoughts and like go study nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I swear i need a revamp of the mind and so i shall like chant "Study study study you can do it!" 7689504036546452378970647334854007 times from now onwards.

If you see me talking to myself, just let me be. And please slap me if i'm found distracting/being distracted by fellow Pioneers in school.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

Let's soar and show them what you've got.

2008-07-31T18:06:00.007+08:00

I totally crashed in school today like my classmates commented how dead/hallucinate i looked.

Died during math tutorial. I think i even drool on my table oh ma gawdzzz.

Slept during econs tutorial cos Miss Wong thought i was sick and stef went like, ''Yeah, ibro's sick, he's not feeling well!" and Miss Wong really believed it and allowed me to sleep during her tutorial. Thanks stef! :D

Anyway, it's not cool to like sleep only for a few hours cos you went out and had fun and totally let time pass by as the world slowly revolves, appreciating every moment of pleasure AND NOT STUDYING when you really should cos an extremely major exam is approaching.

And the feeling gets worse cos you know that the rest are pulling up their socks to the maximum level and are mugging to their peak.

But you're not.

Fuck, i should stop being complacent with regards to mid year's grades. Who cares if you did well among the whole cohort in school exams?

That in itself, doesn't even guarantee your distinctions.

It's the As that matter you moron, you apathetic fool. Look at the big picture.

And so, i shall shut up and mug today, now now now.

NERD IS THE NEW HOT.

sometimes
the frequency of the world stops
and you're stuck

lost in your own space
in your own light

entities surround you
and the mirror's unclear

obscured, smeared
masked

you get clueless
confused, astray

stop running in circles

just

let go

Full moon sways.

2008-07-31T01:41:00.004+08:00

Hello world i'm zonked out.

Just came back a while ago from town to accompany my sis cos she wanna change the colour of her Coach bag and we went for supper at Lau Pa Sat which was good but i'm super bloated i couldn't walk and i totally slept inside the cab like ttm and i did not do a single work today rah.

And i feel fat after eating so much so i shall be nice to my body and go work out tmr and swim on friday okay set!

I'm sleepy ttm i can like crash any minute but i have PQ to do and deadline's tmr omg but i don't think i'll finish it and i think it's damn weird to blow your own trumpet like "A lively and confident young man, Ibrohim was an intelligent student who was capable of excelling academically". Vomit blood times infinity.

And i told greg to entertain me by telling me jokes to keep me awake and he did and they are funny and he cracks me up cos i think racist jokes are funnayee.

Omg this post is so not exciting but i'm so excited for tomorrow NOT i didn't do any work omg and it's like 91(or is it 90) days to A levels whoa good game ah.

Okay BYE.

Oh shit shit shit.

2008-07-29T21:44:00.001+08:00

I HAVE NO TIME LEFT OMG PANIC MODE TTM.

I've got no excuse.

2008-07-27T16:32:00.007+08:00

Okay i just deleted an entry cos it's angsty and what i needed was just a platform to voice them out, and it doesn't necessarily have to be published.

Hard times don't come until tomorrow
These eyes don't see
Take your skin off when you listen to me
Move away

Would you like to be my sandbag for me to vent my frustrations at?

Would you like to play second fiddle to my emotions and pander to my whines and desires?

Life's greatest realisations- You always want what you can never have.

I need to be much more diligent, at least for the next four months.

Actually, it really wonders me. Like how geniuses those kids from top jcs can be but still, they mug like there's no tomorrow. But, we don't study as hard even though it's blatantly obvious that we're not as smart.

I guess it all boils down to how much we all want something out of life. How much we really want to achieve our dreams, our goals and ambitions.

And i crumble upon this very fact, because at 18, i'm still clueless. I'm still floating on an unsteady terrain, wandering aimlessly.

Psychologist; a job that i promulgate to everyone, the one that i'll venture into in the future, doesn't really appeal to me anymore.

Then what?

I don't know.

It's not doing me justice either because i don't feel inspired to really bury myself in those books. And i'm the kind that needs something to push and propel me forward or else, i'll remain stagnant.

I need to get it clearly sorted out before it's too late and the dark clouds lay above.

On a lighter note, I remembered Miss Wong's exact words which went the lines of 'You don't really have to worry about what you wanna be because with a good A level certificate, you can do anything that you want. "

How apt. And idealistic.

The latter's not cool at all.

Random ttm.

2008-07-26T21:41:00.005+08:00

I'm tired as hell.

CIP today was really really great love love the kids and facilitators like shawn and mirabel. And it really lightens up my day that mirabel, who was my facilitator for a camp i attended years ago totally remembered me and recalled the great times we spent like how she used to call me brobrobrobrobrobro. :D

And i'm at a gig/concert at rp now and i'm like in this cafe, blogging cos the field is bad and so my shoe is dirty and i hate it and so i decided to be a loser and rot in a cafe to surf!

They had like a mosh and there was this guy that had to be brought out of the scene by four security guards wth.

Anyhoo the bands that i watched just now were awesome awesome awesome like one of the lead singer is damn cute oh my gawd. The songs they played were totally my style and their genre is totally my genre yayness i bet jack would love them if he's here too!

I have a new-found respect for the local music scene. They're totally cool and all, support them man.

Okay this serve as an inspiration for me to create new songs :D I totally think i have a musical talent cos like the two songs that i composed and wrote received good responses HAHAHA stop rolling your eyes :D

But i still think contemp dance is the best, though :D

And sal and her bf are like lovey-dovey now hahaha totally PDA please.

Anyhoo electrico performed just now too and as much as i know how good they are, they're not really my style.

Oh shit my favourite band is performing now okay okay shall run over the singer is cuteeeeeeeeeee